chapter 6 [Because it's so far away]

I know I'm dreaming.
About a little boy who gets lost in the woods. He walks around barefooted trying to find his way out. He grows tired and decides to rest in a cave. The cave is dark but the boy can see the moist cave walls glimmering faintly. He squats down to touch the ground. Wet. But not cold. Is warm. The boy lies down to the comfortable warmth and closes his eyes to rest. He turns to lie on his side, curls up his body and hugs his legs.
This is a lousy dream, I open my eyes, look at the clock. 4.36am. So early.
I close my eyes and pull my blanket over my head. Let's try again.

I dream another dream.
About a boy who walks out of a black cave, and outside the black cave there is a white river. In the white river there is a blue mermaid swimming. The boy walks towards the mermaid and notices that she is saying something, but he doesn't understand. He asks her what is she speaking and she replies that she's just reading out the periodic table.
This dream is lousier.

I wake up again, the sky outside is still dark. 4.58am.
I toss over and drifts off to sleep.

I dream yet another dream.
About a boy who wants to find the North Star and then befriend the star. He keeps asking the people around him, 'Where can I find the North Star?', 'Where can I find the North Star?'
But nobody answers him, they only mock him, they tell him, 'Who do you think you are to befriend the North Star? If you want to befriend the North Star, you need to consecutively score 58 goals, complete a 100m sprint in 8 seconds, fake ill to visit the sick bay 15 times and above. Only then can you find the North Star and be friend with it.'
But the boy will not give up. He continues to walk around asking for directions to find the North Star.
He ventures upon a lake, feels thirsty, and wants to have a drink. He lowers his head and notices that there is a bright reflection of a star on the surface of the lake. He thinks that that is the North Star he's been searching for and slowly walks into the lake towards the bright reflection.
However, his movements in the water break the still water surface and the ripples he created scatter the bright reflection to all around him.
He stops in his track, afraid that the North Star will disappear like that, and remains very very still for a long long time.
And so, the boy stops in the middle of the lake, silent and motionless, like a statue, beside the bright reflection.
He closes his eyes and gives a satisfied smile. For he knows that he can stay at the North Star's side forever like this.
And I know that I dreamt the lousiest dream I've ever dream.

"Dylan! Wake up! Dylan!"

I am wakened by my mum's calling.

"I thought you said you're meeting Joseph at 10 o'clock?" She says.

I look at my clock. 9.48am. 9.48am?! Isn’t it only 4 plus am just now? Sickening.
I wash up, change into my clothes in a jiffy and rush out of the house.
It's during times like this that I'm glad Joseph and I live only 2 streets away.

I'm meeting Joseph to go Queensway Shopping Centre together, after we have breakfast at Mac's near our place. He wants to get a new soccer ball and insists we go there to shop for it.
I complained about the distance actually, but he said I promised him before that I'll go down with him. Though I still cannot recall when I made such a promise, it doesn't really matter.

The weather today is terrific, cloudy with a slight breeze. I look up the sky and see that the clouds look like scales and covered the entire sky. Just like yesterday.
For a split of a second, Joseph's voice rings in my head, saying these words,
'Because it’s so far away…'
Truthfully, I was bothered by these 5 words after I hear them. I still am.
Why did he say that? What was he feeling when he said that? I want to know.

Yesterday afternoon's conversation with Joseph suddenly flashes across my mind and that makes me realize that actually the both of us never really have this kind of conversations often. This kind of 'heart to heart talks'. A few, probably. But it's those, the fewer it is the more you cannot remember, kind of talks.

"Hey boy." I hear Joseph call.

Unknowingly, I reached our meeting venue, and without realizing, walked past him.

"You're late." He says. It's 10.07am. I'm late for 7minutes. And 54 seconds, to be exact.

"Sorry." I apologise.

"I woke up late. Overslept. Didn't sleep well during the night. Keep on having weird dreams." I feel I need to explain for being late, and for making him wait. 3 hours yesterday is quite enough.

"You too?" He says.

Too? I look at him.

"I didn't sleep well during the night. The past keep coming back to me." He says.

"Which past?" I ask.

"Remember your 12th birthday? The present I gave you?"

Of course I remember. That I'll never ever forget.

It happened when we were in Primary 6. One day after school, he came to me and pulled my hand, out of the classroom towards the direction of his bicycle. He said we're going to his place, he's got a 'secret plan' he wants to tell me.

After we reached his place, I followed him into his room. His room then was very messy, with comic books all over the place. I saw on his study table, a drawing block and on it were drawings he drew, mostly were comic characters. Some of them I saw him doodled on his textbooks before. However, I thought that he didn't have what it takes to be a cartoonist.

He asked me to first close my eyes, and reminded me like a thousand times not to open them. He then led me under his bed, asked me to lie there, face up facing the underside of his bed. I really had no idea what 'secret plan' he was going to tell me, I just obeyed his instructions.

"Can I open my eyes already?" I asked.

"Not yet." He said, and I heard him draw his curtains and switch off the lights in his room.

"Can I open my eyes already?" I asked again.

"Not yet." He said again, and this time I felt him crawl under his bed and lay beside me.

"Can I open my eyes already?" I was quite impatient by then.

"Not yet."

"I'm opening my eyes." I announced.

"Wait! After I count to three. Ready? One, two, three."

I opened my eyes, the black underside of his bed before me, and I saw some things. Some little little things, glowing.
I squinted my eyes, and thought that I was dreaming. But I wasn't. Those little glowing things on the black underside of the bed resembled a starry sky which you can see when you lift up your head during the night.
A starry night sky.

Those little glowing things were actually glow-in-the-dark stickers which Joseph cut into little pieces and pasted them underneath his bed.
However, during that time, I was like under an illusion, I really thought I was looking at a starry sky. A boundless starry night sky.

"This is the Big Dipper, this is the Little Dipper, this is the Orion, this is Draco, then over here is Polaris. Polaris is the North Star, I purposely make it a little larger. I like the North Star. Hmmm, ok never mind. Over this side is where the 12 constellations of the Zodiac are. This is Aries, my constellation. And this over here is Scorpius, your constellation." Joseph told me.

I found out later that he followed a constellation map he found in an Astronomy Magazine, and copied it onto the underside of his bed.

"This is your birthday present from me this year." He said.

I kept silent.

"Actually, I did save up some money to buy you a proper present, but I spent it all last week to buy a collection of comics I've been searching for very long. So I can only give you this." He explained, kind of embarrassed.

"You won't be mad at me right?" He said.

"Don't keep quiet leh, I also spent 3 days sticking these stars, my eyes are strained!" He said.

"But I think I still did it wrongly, because if I am to give you the underside of my bed, my mother will kill me, so I can only bring you here to see." He said.

I couldn't utter a word. Not a single one.
I just gazed at those stars, those stars which he spent 3 days sticking.
I told myself, I'll never ever forget this.

But why? Why did this past come back to him last night?
I am bothered.
It's like something is going to happen. It's like something is coming to an end.
It's like how before any graduation, videos of events from the past will be played during the ceremony, for us to reminisce, and then your life in that school will end.
It's like how they say, during a person's last brink of life, scenes of the past will flash before them, and then their lives will end.

Joseph and I spent the whole day at Queensway Shopping Centre and he managed to get his soccer ball.
As for me, 5 words kept ringing in my head throughout the day.

'Because it's so far away…'


~End of Chapter 6~